Sweet Zombie Jesus.

There is a significant bit of my brain, somewhere near the spinal cord, that just made a noise like a dropping transmission.

That is so wrong. That is so wrong it makes a White Trash Burrito look like a grilled cheese sandwich.

You are much braver than I am - just looking at that picture made me gain four pounds! Love that you brought someone with you just incase CPR had to be administered.

Why the hell don't they split ONE doughnut lengthwise and toast it??

I might could eat one then.

That's exactly what I asked in the column, Kathy. Especially with the inferior Kwik Trip doughnuts. There's more than enough bready firmness to stand up to a good slice-n-toast.