I must have woken up in some far flung future last night, because the episode of Project Runway I saw was nothing like the episodes earlier this season. First of all, it was all post-apocalyptic and Mad Max-ish. Then, all the weirdos were kind of acting like normal humans.

Really, did Bravo put something in the water at Atlas?

I missed the first ten minutes because I wasn't feeling well, and I haven't been feeling well today either, thus the delay in getting this out. But that's a blessing and a curse because I got to see those first ten minutes in the mid-afternoon replay!

Also, in case anyone wonders why I predict anything about upcoming challenges, it's because I'm steadfastly avoiding the full-season Bravo-approved spoilage. (I'm also, incidentally, trying my best to boycott EW.com for putting LOST spoilers on the front page...see a couple posts ago).

The challenge is to take Saturn car parts (fortunately, mostly the cloth ones, rather than brake drums and fan belts) and make an outfit out of them. Tim says it's a second chance at the first challenge, whose call to extreme innovation went mostly unheeded. Keith's got no do-rag, Kenley's wearing jeans and a t-shirt, and Blayne is speaking in mostly complete and non-nonsensical English. I just don't know how to process this.

Lots of folks are grabbing seat belts. Who'da thunk that Korto and Stella would be using the same base material? Is Suede going to shave Suede's blue 'hawk next? Although to be fair, Suede's toned down the third-person to almost non-existent. And Stella, it sounded to me like you called it "muslim" rather than "muslin." Sweetie, you got it wrong.

Keith's all down on himself and passive-aggressively taking it out on everyone else including the judges. Looks to me like he's falling on his own sword to show everyone how awesome he used to be.

I guess this is our last goodbye
And you don't care, so I won't cry
But you'll be sorry when I'm dead
And all this guilt will be on your head
I guess you'd call it suicide
But I'm too full to swallow my pride

And I'd like to ask, where did Bravo find the models for this season? They're generally pretty boring, and now two have bailed on their designers! Kenley loses hers this time, and it's so matter-of-fact that I can't imagine it wasn't expected or planned. If not, it's hard to believe that a model would be so cavalier about an assignment like Project Runway.

Tim visits, and it's back to my Twilight Zone theory. He's liking way too many of these looks! So few "I'm concerned"s! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE? Tim latches on immediately to Jerell's vision; he completely understands Leanne's look; he thinks Korto's coat-dress (which I was getting worried would look like the lead smock you get at the dentist) is 60's-era fab. He leaves by telling the designers that he's very happy; I'd say so, given what kind of a turnaround this is from previous weeks.

Terri gets a little sassy to Korto, playfully. Jerell has a pretty great call-out in confessional. "She's got two faces and four patterns. That's it. Don't trust the bitch." What the hell, am I liking Jerell now too? I'm certainly not liking Keith, who thinks that he deserves to win PR more than anyone else, even though he acknowledges that they all feel that way. Ugh. What a tool.

Personal interlude: Stella's boyfriend goes by the lovely moniker "Ratbones." Is anyone surprised?

With that, we come to show day. Keith gets all the waaaaahlibi he'll need when his model sits in his high-waisted seat belt skirt and tears a stitch right up the front (those goddamned stylists!). While Keith literally demeans the models, Leanne only seems to--the saddlebags she gives her model are a pretty daring silhouette, and Leanne's giggle (damn it, it's true, I like her now) tells us she knows it.

I'd love to know to whom Tim was directing that under-the-breath remark when the designers and models left the workroom. "Sexy..." For now, my runway thoughts will have to do!

• Jerell: Oh, Mrs. Simpson, you are looking very prosperous today. Might I interest you in some of our impulse items here by the cash register? Perhaps a crazy pseudo-futuristic hairstyle. Oh, look at... the craziness.
  
• Keith: ZZZ....the hem is horrible.
  
• Terri: Decent, but pants again. Now I'm starting to get annoyed.
  
• Kenley: The model looks like a car cigarette lighter.
  
• Leanne: YES. The bustline is tremendous.
  
• Suede: Kinda cool. Good movement on the skirt.
  
• Korto: Impressive workmanship. A solid effort.
  
• Blayne: The glass is interesting, but the fit looks poor.
  
• Joe: WAY too similar to his Olympic look. Not a loser, not a winner.
  
• Stella: The model is moving awfully slow. The seat belts are puckering in the back and the front. Not cohesive.
  

Pretty awesome. And I wasn't even the most geeked-out of my party of four (I'm lookin' at you, Bessie).

The food was good, the chefs were fun, and the weather couldn't have been better. A good time was had by all.

Except for the guy in the autograph line who was irritated at how long the uberfan at the front was taking. "While we're young!" What a tool.

See my Flickr stream for the pics I took, and a short feature for The Daily Page here.

First of all, a direct warning. DO NOT GO TO EW.COM IF YOU ARE A LOST FAN AND WANT TO STAY SPOILER FREE.

Seriously, what the fuck? This is what we get for EW hiring Ausiello? 2x4 after 2x4 of spoiler whacked directly upside our heads, on the FRONT PAGE?

Come on. They sort of used to know better than that.

...I'm pissed.

This would have been a friggin' hilarious episode from the very start, had Bravo not given the meat of this episode away in previews (so to speak). It was still pretty enjoyable, but I have to say that Bravo's bridge-burning MO--snarkily charming at first--sucks hard.

If any one of us thought that Chris March wouldn't be back on the boob tube, shame on you. He's another one of those genuine characters, full of personality and TV appeal. Oh, and he's got tremendous knockers.

Balancing his Brunhilde helmet mighty precariously, Chris tells the designers about the drag queen nature of this challenge, and Terri confidently exclaims that she's been waiting for this challenge. Um, why? Don't tell me Bravo told the designers about each challenge before the season rolled.

Heidi, looking about as out of place as she possibly could, had the ladeez roll out onto the runway for pairing off. Keith picked Sherry Vine. Daniel chose Anita Greenkard ("with a K"). Blayne went--appropriately--with Miss Understood. Kenley selected Farrah Moans. Joe paired up with Varla Jean Merman. Korto took Sweetie. Suede teamed with the disarmingly pretty Hedda Lettuce. Leanne took the prize for most cognitive dissonance, and Sharon Needles. Jerell takes LeMay. Terri seemed perfect for the frighteningly tall and harsh Acid Betty. That left Stella and Luisa Verde, but everyone seemed happy.

With immunity on the line, the designers will have to make a look that maintains the queens' personae, and stay under $200. How expensive are sequins, anyway? Plus, they'll get two days to go completely balls-out (so to speak). At the end, the looks will be auctioned off for Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS. The designers have all the motivation they could ever want to just go apeshit.

Some designers, though, just seem destined to fail from the beginning. Poor Joe...he bemoaned the queens in a previous episode, and now there's twice as many! Plus, he's going into this challenge thinking about what his daughters might wear. Joe! Get a parenting book! You're off the rails!

The usual stuff happens. Designers go to Mood. Kenley announces she's going for an "old Hollywood" look. We see a shot of the Elle cover (hey, it's Jessica Alba now! No more Olsen sister! Yay!). And Blayne irritates the fuck out of everyone by having a liciousgasm all over the workroom. Leanne quips, "Even 'licious' is licious." Guh. We're with you, Leanne. Wait, am I starting to like her?

Mixed signals start coming in hot and heavy at this point (so to speak). Jerell and Suede get the sentimentality treatment (Suede even gets a visit from his Ghost Grandpa!), while Joe, Suede and Keith appear to be flailing. When the ladies come in as dudes for their fitting (Blayne seems amazed that there's 'dude' under there...what a dingus), Lettuce starts busting Suede's balls (or is it vajayjay?). Suede digs in Suede's heels.

Tim comes back with Big Chris in tow, and Chris is given the pleasure of delivering commentary. Blayne's look is as ridiculous as Tim's commentary paints it. Joe, after a very positive feedback session with Varla, appears to have rebounded into contender status; Chris loves it, and thinks Varla will too. Tim busts out the bitch in soothing Suede's ego (Suede has an ego?), telling him quietly and firmly, "You can tell her that you've been to a different rodeo, and don’t you-know-what with me, sister." Daniel, finding yet another cultural phenomenon of which he has exactly zero understanding, is obstinate once again.

I wonder if we're being set up for Stella missing a runway show or something because of her inability to wake up on time. I also wonder if drag queens even need any further hair and makeup work. But oh, you drag queens, you do love the camera. Even RuPaul, who (don't tell anyone I said this) is showing her age. Allow me to give you my somewhat deer-in-the-headlights runway thoughts.

• Kenley: Nice feather work (although I'd like to slap her feather right off her damn head), seams are iffy.
  
• Blayne: Worried about it looking shoddy? Well, it probably is shoddy. Certainly full of bad ideas.
  
• Joe: Solid. Good construction, good fit.
  
• Stella: Doesn't quite seem to fit the persona.
  
• Suede: Decent, but monochromatic in a bad way (unlike Joe's).
  
• Daniel: This is not a drag queen dress. Period.
  
• Terri: God strike me down if she ever holds back. This is an ass-kicker.
  
• Jerell: Something's not right. Not loud enough. Not classic enough for the persona.
  
• Korto: The flames up top are well done, but is it possible for a drag queen dress to be too short? Maybe I just want it to be shorter.
  
• Keith: More strips and shreds? Not so much.
  
• Leanne: Well-built. Safe.
  

So, in light of the commentary generated by my most recent article for Isthmus (which, of course, you can read here) on the previous entry here, I thought I'd share with you a little mystery from my life.

Out of the blue, I started receiving Gourmet and Saveur magazines. And it's no four-issue trial subscription. The mailing label indicates a full year's subscription.

I didn't do it. My girlfriend didn't do it. My mom didn't do it. Nobody I know did it, and to be frank, there aren't a lot of people in the world who know my address.

Then, two days ago, I got a offer letter from Bon Appetit. They want me to subscribe, and they're offering me the professional rate.

Now, I know that magazine publishers throw around terms like that pretty loosely. The fiancee's been getting Real Simple with a "Dr." in front of her name for years now, and we're not sure where they got that idea.

But the question is: do they know I'm a food writer now? Do they have some kind of bot or crawler or something that's reading my articles and generating a gratis subscription?

I like Gourmet and Saveur just fine. But they're a little haute for me (duh). Bon Appetit on the other hand, has just the right blend of high- and accessible-cuisine. I may just take them up on that offer.

Now, if you're the one responsible for these subscriptions, don't let my confusion stop you from sending me more swag. I'm all about swag.

Woo hoo! I was worried that the reserved spots would go "on sale" for the Madison show and I'd miss it by virtue of being busy at work. But I gots 'em!

If anyone misses out on getting tickets, and is interested in the 1:30 show, I grabbed a couple extra just in case. Gotta cover my peeps. The peeps have been covered! Did I mention that the chefs for Madison's stop will be Dale (the funny gay one, not the angry short one) and Stephanie? Kickass. Even if they are FIBs. ; )

Now scroll down and read the Runway recap!

Okay, so the title is apropos of nothing, except the (very funny) first-person/third-person joke, and the fact that this week's episode was the first team challenge of the season.

The episode opens with Keith and Daniel straight pumping those weights. Well, Keith is, anyway; Daniel's obviously going for reps over weight. Ahem.

But we might as well get the challenge out of the way, because it's just so thrilling that I can't wai--oh, that's right, Bravo continues to scuttle the ship by revealing every possible reason the casual fan would have to watch each week.

So we already know that it's Brooke Shields who's going to walk through that door with a preternatural grimace-smile and announce that the designers will have to put clothes on her back. Oh, did you know she has a SHOW AIRING THURSDAYS AT 10/9 PM ON NBC? At least with PR, the promotion is kept at least 50% within the GE family of networks.

The second-least surprising surprise is that Brooke's character will wear the look on the show. It'll have to be flexible, going from work to nightlife with minimal alteration. Tim announces that the designers will be pairing off to design this look. Exactly NO ONE is thrilled about this.

The top six designs, as pimped to Brooke, will grant team leadership. Fortunately, Brooke is unawed by the spectacle that is a room full of Project Runway designers. Her fashion wits about her, she picks Keith, Korto, Kelli, Terri, Jerell, and (stating clearly her extreme apprehension) Blayne. She also notes, in one of the few on-screen criticisms, that corsets aren't exactly SFW, Stella.

The designs are always a mixed bag, and you know that a handful of designers are going to go completely off the rez once they get needle and thread in hand. But initial thoughts lead me to worry about Kelli's leopard-heavy look, and also about Terri. Terri, whom I love. Terri, of the many pants. Be careful, Terri.

The designers begin the arduous task of choosing from a panel of sad sack second-placers. Blayne/Leanne. Keith/Kenley. Terri/Sueude. Korto/Joe. Kelli (in a decision over which she agonizes, not wanting to send Stella home if she performs poorly...?) picks the muscular moper, Daniel. Jerell, in a pairing that is so fucking crazy it just might work, gets Stella.

$150 and a trip to Mood later, the designers return with their goods. It becomes clearer and clearer that Jerell and Stella ("Jerella" to the tabloids) actually have some design chemistry, and could actually pull it off. As Tim announces that the win is big enough to remove the need for an immunity reward, Kelli goes into a confessional monologue about her childhood and her grandma and, I don't know, her second grade crush's pet hamster. THIS must be the sentimentality bullet that Korto dodged, only because Korto's sentimentality involved dodging actual bullets.

Line of the night: Terri, in a confessional criticism of Suede's whiny manner, proclaims "I ain't got no babies, and nobody sucking on my titties, so man up." Ah, Terri. Always good for some street slang.

Stupid of the night: Blayne calls Yakima (WA), with an 80,000+ in-town population and a 210,000+ metro area population, a "super-small town." Blayne....you're an idiot.

Tim visits bracket the commercial break, and we see Daniel completely cocking Kelli's design up, and completely and unrepentantly not caring. Fiancee and I agree: When does he get to go home? And Terri's titties continue to be unimpressed by Suede's work (boy, that's a David Dust line from me if there ever was one).

Tim's thoughts are great, as usual. Blayne's is too casua--BLAYNE, STOP IT. Enough with the goddamn -licious, already. Anyway. Team Jerella is cranking it out and Tim is pleased, as opposed to Kelli and Daniel's sad lingerie look. Terri is officially reinvigorated by Tim's positive appraisal of a look in which she had zero confidence. Kenley gets her balls busted by Tim (hello!) for the horrible 1980's sofa fabric she had wanted to use.

And Korto/Joe. Oh, Korto. All season, I've been riding you to show some emotion! And when Tim expresses concern about your look, you offer a blasé defense. But then Joe agrees with Tim. And apparently, this was Joe's first comment of the sort; he even says that the reason he's saying something is because Tim did. Not only does Korto take him to town in front of Tim, but they step into the Lounge (as indicated by the sign on the door that reads "Lounge"), and continues to hash it out.

Bottom line is, don't fuck with Korto. Second best line of the night: "There's a BUS comin'!" I have to say, when Korto feels it, I have a crush on her voice.

But here's the interesting thing. Two different teams had problems in the workroom. And both teams resolved those problems in the workroom. It's amazing! Gotta be a PR first.

On runway show morning, Daniel is redoing his entire godawful skirt. Seriously, I could have sewn a better skirt, and all I ever sew are buttons back onto shirts and shorts. Jerell talks some smack to a sista's back (not Korto; he knows better), and Blayne is obviously losing his mojo. He's starting to almost talk like a real human. Almost. Tim offers a coy "some of you are still sewing...question mark?", and we're off to the runway. Thoughts follow!

• Korto/Joe: Not awful, but too monotone. Okay, the fit on the dress is awful.
  
• Kelli/Daniel: Holy trampy. And is that a cami? I think we know where Michael's "slutty" line will fit in.
  
• Jerella: Tim's approval of the palette is well-earned. Works for both purposes at once.
  
• Keith/Kenley: Seems like there's too much skirt. Would make a woman like Brooke look really hippy.
  
• Terri/Suede: Not professional enough for work. Cute though.
  
• Blayne/Leanne: Completely inappropriate for the challenge. Blayne insisted throughout the workroom that his Bermuda shorts would work. They don't. And they're not even ugly. They're just totally not what this challenge was about.
  

Maybe I'm getting old. Maybe I'm getting sentimental for a more nuanced and personalized way of life. But I'm strongly considering ditching my PDA and downgrading to notepad for the majority of my day-to-day note- and list-making.

Yep.

I scoured the earth for the Sony Clie I use currently. I saw it in the Sony Museum in Chicago many moons ago, and lusted after its $300+ price tag (not to mention the "sunset orange" casing). I finally found it, maybe a year or two later, on Ebay for less than half the cost. I didn't even mind that much when I had to essentially repay the purchase price to replace the screen after I dropped it at work.

But I think it's time to send the ol' Clie off into its own sunset.

Of course, it's interesting to me that part of the reason I'm getting ready to do this is because of a technological upgrade to a different item in my arsenal. I finally found a cheap and sufficiently large M2 Memory Stick for my phone.

Now I can finally connect my phone to my computer, and won't have to shell out the data fees for uploading pics to Flickr on the mobile site. I can remake all my old ringtones and keep 'em all on there. It's a 2GB stick, for crying out loud, and it cost me $18 shipped, with an adapter. An unthinkable price dating back even to when I bought the 512MB stick for my Clie.

So. If anyone wants to buy a nice PDA, you know where to find one. I'm off to evaluate notebooks. And speaking of notebooks, if anyone wants to buy my PC, I'm itching to down-/up-grade to a MacBook.

I saw a little icon next to a news story on CNN's main page today. It was one I hadn't seen before.



I've pretty much stopped going to CNN.com, mostly since they started paying Glenn Beck. But they just kinda suck anyway. This, however, takes the cake for suckitude.

They're selling t-shirts of their headlines. T-shirts. Seriously. They're not even kidding a little.

This is just fucking depressing. But, I guess, nothing new.

If I'm extra bitchy this morning, it's because my car got towed for the second time this week. Yes, it's my fault for being absent-minded and lazy. Does that mean I'm going to be a ray of sunshine? Probably not.

The first target of my wrath is that goddamn Olsen Twin Elle cover. I don't want to see the thing one more time. I fear that we'll be seeing it all season, unless a new issue released somewhere during filming.

This season sure is shaping up to be a big sloppy kiss good-bye to New York. Tim takes the kids out on another field trip around town, this time by van. They arrive at the Armory Track and Field Center, and see that graceful wintry god, Apolo Ohno, come gliding toward them on the track. We probably could have guessed; it's an Olympic-themed challenge. Jerell's female wrestler phobia is staved off for another week.

I have to say, I was worried the designers were going to have to design track suits. That would have been ultra boring. Instead, the challenge will be to create a look for the female half of the US Olympic Team to wear during the Opening Ceremonies. Not that they'll be wearing them or anything, since Ralph Lauren designed this year's actual outfits. This is a just-for-funsies challenge.

Oh, and I was absolutely correct that this challenge would be a crucible of cultural ignorance. The doofosity kicks off right away, with wee Daniel indicating that he's never, never, ever seen the Olympics. Never. Not even, like, a picture. Everyone clasp your hands together and cackle; it's gonna be a trainwreck.

After a tour of the on-site Olympic museum to gather inspiration (my fiancee coined the joke in the title, saying "use the first Olympics!"), the designers head back to start brainstorming. And dood, Joe is SO FIRED UP about this challenge. SPORTS RULE. I'M STRAIGHT. SHOCKN' Y'ALL. USA! USA! USA!

Another Keith-related non-issue happens at Mood, where it appears he may have ganked Terri's cloth (heh, I promise I won't use that one again). Big deal. Give it some screen time if you think it's important.

The workroom gives us more character insight, and some irritating occurrences. The first irritating occurrence is that Blayne is actually amusing. He's been sort of likeable so far; his weak voice in the back seat of the van, matter-of-factly explaining that he prefers to tan every other day...almost kind of precious in its lameness. But when they get back, Blayne busts out the line he had to have been working on for the whole day. He declares that he's an Olympic-level tanner, but that the medals only go up to 'bronze'. Okay, yes, that's pretty funny. Dammit!

Joe will be the best designer Wal-Mart has ever corralled. His skort is immediately lessened by his use of the word 'skort' so many times. Terri is blessed with a Christian-esque level of productivity, as she is working on pants, a shirt, a jacket, and a scarf. Whoa.

The two worst things a person can do to Joe, however, are 1) laugh and make jokes, and 2) thread and use a sewing machine that he has used at some point in the past. Daniel and Kenley are committing the former, and it's actually pissing a lot of people off! What's the deal? No Fun Zone? As for the thread, Joe's...well, Joe doesn't like queens. And there's a boarding school queen riding his thread right now! Well I never!

Jennifer's going girly-girl anime-caucasian, and it doesn't bode well. Tim thinks it's both matronly and juniors. Now that's surreal! Stella's doing her thing, too--namely, all black. "There's a lotta bikers in this country that watch the Olympics." Sure, Stella. That doesn't mean the whole friggin' team has to dress like 'em.

Tim's commentary is unfortunately brief this week, but we learn that mixing two colors of zipper is somehow really witty and creative. What am I missing? We also find out that Blayne is as much an idjit as we suspected he was. His only awareness of The Beatles is Across the Universe...and not the song. Blayne also criticizes Jerell's too-tight and very antebellum look as "Titanic." Y'know, 1870's vs 1910's...same difference.

Daniel's looking superhero-y...and purple. Kenley's using the same shade in her fabric, but she's breaking it up a bit. And Korto. Dear Korto. Born in a foreign, slightly impoverished nation? Forced to flee internecine violence? Trying to live the dream in America? Why, that personal story is just touching enough to get you eliminated up in this network.

With that lovely moment behind us, we arrive at runway show day. A day that sees Jerell wake up and suddenly realize the nature of the competition: "I woke up this morning and realized that one by one, they all must fall. Except me." Whoa! Is that how this works?

Let us then move to the "What the hell is Jerell wearing? A Depression-era Boy Scout uniform? World War I doughboy? Robin Hood??" edition of RUNWAY THOUGHTS:

• Korto: A little bland, but all-white does it for some people. Well-made.
  
• Suede: Cute, but the top is super boring.
  
• Kelli: 50's housewife. Stewardess. Something. Blech.
  
• Joe: He doesn't think it's retro, but I see 1950-1969. Looks like a Gemini rocket.
  
• Leanne: Nice work on the neck flourish.
  
• Daniel: Couldn't be more purple. Fiancee points out Daniel's wearing a purple shirt, probably to try to make his dress look more blue by comparison.
  
• Jerell: Nothing makes me feel more patriotic than the Grand Old Flag, seven lavender stripes, six navy stripes, and a hell of a lot of stars.
  
• Stella: Notes: God, no.
  
• Keith: Too bubbly at the bottom. Flashbacks of Season 2's Angela! Ugh.
  
• Terri: Tube top looks too tight (of course, she had to put a knee in her model's back to close it up, so...).
  
• Jennifer: Nothing "Olympic" about it. It's The Buckle.
  
• Blayne: Retro space cadet. Appropriate.
  
• Kenley: Very Kenley, but that "blue" is still purple, even in plaid. And no red!
  

I was fortunate enough to receive two tickets for the Police concert in Milwaukee last Friday. It was at the Marcus Amphitheater, which is a great venue for rock concerts.



If you had asked me prior to the show, I probably wouldn't have listed The Police in the top 20 of my favorite artists/bands. I own the singles album, and just got a copy of Zenyattà Mondatta to familiarize myself with more of their catalog in advance.

But those songs that I do know (and it's a decent number on top of the Singles disc), I like. I know the words to all the big hits. And I was reasonably excited to see them live, what with it being the final show and all. Plus, Elvis Costello was opening, and he's pretty cool too (although I own even less of his music).

This show kicked ass.

For a bunch of senior citizens, Elvis, Gordon, and the rest can all rock pretty hard. Elvis in particular didn't leave a single high note in the studio. He wore that black suit out in the heat, and went red in the face and up on tiptoes to belt every last verse out.

As for The Police, they haven't really lost a significant beat. Sting's voice, while not as reedy and penetrating, is still strong. Andy Summers has total old man hands, but his guitar work was excellent. And Stewart just pounded it out, silver hair all floppin' around.



I particularly liked that, even though an encore featuring "Roxanne" followed it, their last song of the set was the it's-only-fitting "Can't Stand Losing You."

The stage was cool, the set list was solid, and a good time was had by all. Thanks, mom!