I recently sold off a piece of my younger days (think between 19 and 23) that was never really that important to me except as an investment. Let's just say I've taken a complete bath on that concept. This is why I don't invest in anything more weighty than comic books.

But it was the weight of my sale that brings this story to you. For the first time in maybe a month, I stepped on a scale. I did it to get an estimate of shipping costs, a la weighing wiggly dogs in Our Animal Friends at Maple Hill Farm. It works like a charm, of course, except for when you set down the bag and see how much is left.

In my case, about 7 pounds more than I thought would be left. Oof. And not the "suicidal tendencies and creepy stalker-dom masquerading as altruism" kind of seven pounds.

I've got a wedding (mine) to go to in a little under two months. The aforementioned Libra and I have tried gym memberships, wherein we attended pretty religiously for at least three months and did good routines that should have shed some poundage. Nope. Nuttin'.

I don't want to look like a man-sausage in worsted wool casing come July. I don't want to have to take what was a slightly loose-fitting suit (off the rack) to get tailored and find out it needs to be let out. Any healthy tips are welcome: I don't want the future wife's "something new" to be my seven pounds of central obesity.

I know, I know, I often rely on the "I didn't go to school here" line of reasoning for why some Madison traditions escape me. But the Memorial Union Terrace in summer is nonetheless one of those things that I just don't get.

I love the chairs. I love the scenery. I get the appeal of the Terrace at sunset. I've certainly enjoyed taking in a concert there on more than one occasion (Jackie Greene and the Violent Femmes come to mind). But I look at this picture, and the crowd doesn't scream "relaxation" to me.


(photo credit: bouwmagearhart)

Pressing crowds don't relax me. I've seen the Terrace during the day on a nice afternoon. I can't imagine having enough room to lift my beer to my mouth, much less sit back and relax. Plus, the bugs. Not a fan of mosquitos.

Kristine tells me that I've probably never seen the Terrace when school's not in session. That may be true, but again, none of what I've seen--regardless of when it was that I saw it--tells me that the Terrace on a nice warm sunny day is anything but packed.

What am I not getting? I'm not single, so girlwatching's out. I'm not a boater/rower/windsurfer/canoer/, so that's out too. Is the beer really cheap? Because for my part, I'd much rather go to Cabana Room or Roman Candle or Magnus and sit outside and enjoy a beverage, where there's at least a smaller finite crowd than at the Terrace.

IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE SEASON 5 FINALE OF LOST, "THE INCIDENT," YOU WILL BE SPOILED IF YOU CONTINUE READING.

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People have been poring over Season 5 of LOST, looking for some hint that the John Locke who emerged from Ajira 316 wasn't actually John Locke. My only thought was that the shoes had something to do with it. And I still kinda think they might. But that's not my "eureka" moment.

No, my eureka moment arrives by way of the episode "Dead is Dead." The Non-Locke, Ben, and Sun are at Ben's house in the DHARMA barracks. Ben goes to the Smoke Monster Phone Book, aka a dirty drain, and speaks into it. He is surprised that the Monster doesn't appear to be answering his call once he makes it back outside.

Ben and Sun have the following conversation:

BEN: Where did John go?

SUN: He said he had something to do.

BEN: Did he say what it was?

SUN: No, I didn't ask. Jack must have lied.

BEN: Excuse me?

SUN: About Locke being dead? I don't know why he would, but that's the only explanation.

BEN: Jack didn't lie. John was dead.

SUN: Just because he was in a coffin doesn't mean that he couldn't have faked his dea--

BEN: Trust me. I'm sure.

SUN: So you knew this would happen to Locke if we brought him back here?

BEN: Sun, I had no idea it would happen. I've seen this Island do miraculous things. I've seen it heal the sick, but never once has it done anything like this. Dead is dead. You don't get to come back from that, not even here. So the fact that John Locke is walking around this Island... scares the living hell out of me.

::pause::

You may want to go inside.

SUN: Why?

BEN: Because what's about to come out of that jungle is something I can't control.

Out pops the Non-Locke (hint 1). The Non-Locke mocks Ben for the Monster's apparent absence (hint 2). Then he tells Ben that he knows where the Monster can be found (hint 3). They go to the Temple, Ben is led beneath it, and falls through a floor to a sublevel where he encounters the Monster. The Non-Locke is out of the picture.

I said before that this bore a strong similarity to the scene in Season 2's "Lockdown," when Ben circumvents the blast doors to push the button in the Swan station. Except we don't really know for sure what he did at the computer.

Similarly, we don't really know what the Non-Locke was doing while Ben was trapped with the Monster. The Non-Locke could have been controlling it, or giving it orders. Or he could BE the Smoke Monster.