On Wednesday, August 25, Taylor Becker died. She was 4, and she was attacked by a boxer--Rocky, the pet of a family friend. The child and dog were together, unsupervised by adults, in the dog's backyard. Rocky broke free from its lead and for unknown reasons, this otherwise friendly and nonviolent dog attacked.

Next month, Green Acres Boxer Rescue will hold its 10th Annual Boxer Bash in Columbus, Wisconsin. It's the first year the Bash will be held outside of the greater Green Bay area. Columbus is 30 miles from Iron Ridge, where the Becker family lives. I want to take some time to explain why I think the Boxer Bash is more important now, in light of this tragedy, than ever before.

I haven't seen anyone call for the event to be cancelled, and I'm glad for that. Anyone who loves dogs and endeavors to understand them knows that there's no such thing as a "bad breed." There are dogs that behave badly, and there are dogs that behave dangerously, just like there are dogs that behave sweetly and joyfully. The difference isn't in the breed name; it's in the owner, and that owner's sense of responsibility for the animal he or she cares for.


Boxers as a breed do not deserve to be blamed for this dog's unexplainable attack. But without counterbalance, all the general public will see of this story is the face of a little girl lost. Boxer rescue groups are justifiably concerned that they'll see dogs returned to rescues and humane societies; we've all seen what happens when the same thing happens with other breeds put in dangerous circumstances by their owners.

I hope the Boxer Bash goes on as planned. A moment of silence or a collection for Taylor's family would be an appropriate recognition of the Beckers' loss. The community needs to know that responsible dog ownership is key to keeping everyone safe, and that breed rescues do the good work of providing healthy foster relationships for dogs in trouble. Boxers, like all animals, can be dangerous--events like the Boxer Bash are working hard to make sure these tragedies don't happen again.

The word around the campfire is that Kevin is shopping for real estate and his job at the horribly-named Rat's Restaurant is vacant. Does this mean chicken-on-a-stick is enough to distinguish a chef in this lackluster crowd? I hope not. With the lookatmeee antics of Ed (wearing Tiffany's dress) and Angelo (talking to self, describing Judges' Table as "heart-piercing"), it seems like culinary chops are in woefully short supply as we slouch toward the finale.

But hey! It's Rick Moonen, one of my favorite Top Chef Masters competitors, here to judge the Quickfire Challenge. This challenge is heretofore named "THE PUNS, THEY HURT"; create a dish based on a food idiom. The winner will be turned into a Schwan's frozen meal. (Appropriately, if you're up on your German, one of the idioms is "hide the salami." What was going on in the planning meeting for this one?) Note, though, that Padma never instructs the chefs to craft their dish with frozen meal-itude in mind--at least, not on-camera.

At this point in the competition, it's time for the producers to show more of the sniping against the weakest chef in the bunch. This time, the consensus appears to be that Amanda is the hanger-on. Only Angelo calls her "a dark horse"; it's like he needs to feel like the competition is higher in order to excel. That failure of self-motivation might bite him in the ass if he makes it to the end. It's fitting that he chooses "bigger fish to fry," as he's always looking for the next nemesis to frame his efforts. Kevin ("bring home the bacon"), Amanda ("the big cheese"), Kelly ("sour grapes," natch), Ed ("hot potato"), and Tiffany ("spill the beans") round it out.

When you've got Ed whipping up herb and roasted garlic gnocchi in an hour, you know that Tiffany's canned beans aren't going to pass muster. Kevin plates a bacon threeway--sorry, bacon three ways--and tops it all with a poached egg. This earns some confessional scorn from Angelo for not being freezer-friendly, but remember: Padma never made that part of the instructions. Angelo's over-explanation of his "ancient Chinese technique" on his tilapia might be great for becoming the next member of the Wu-Tang Clan, but doesn't earn him any points with seafood guru Moonen.

The bottom two end up being Kelly, whose Brussels sprout leaves and Concord grapes don't really work well together, and Amanda's "sledgehammer to the gut" macaroni and cheese. Again, Matamanda looks dumbstruck. Funny thing about that. As for the top two, Moonen likes Ed's light and well-conceived gnocchi and Kevin's bacon that achieves "a new level of lightness." And when Padma turns to Rick and asks, "Which would make the best frozen meal?," you know that Kevin never had a chance. Seems kinda shitty, but Ed takes the win for an impressive effort.

Speaking of shitty, please excuse me for a moment as I engage in a little search engine optimization:

NATIONALS PITCHER STRASBURG TO UNDERGO TOMMY JOHN SURGERY

Okay. That'll boost the Google hit count. And it's not completely off-topic. The Elimination Challenge this week is to prepare high-end concession stand food for a pre-game crowd at the Washington Nationals ballpark. The chefs will all work as one team in this one (and we know how smoothly that went last time), and must prepare at least six dishes. Kelly takes over the organization duties without anyone's input or approval, and then proceeds to ask Amanda to not make what she was planning on making because Kelly wants to use crab instead. And Amanda wilts and accedes--big mistake.

Adrift without her original concept, Amanda decides to make tuna tartare. Say what? Angelo buys yet another pre-made item--hot dog buns for his steamed bun-esque concept--but at first glance it seems like a natural fit. Ed's doing shrimp and corn fritters, and details to the camera the amount of work he's taken on. He's figuring three poppers per diner, and there will be 150 diners, so that's 550 poppers to make in three hours. You know, with three hours to prep, you'd think Ed would have had time to find a calculator or something.

Back at the house, it dawns on everyone that they might have to take orders as well as cook, and there's no more Alex to throw out there. Angelo, who later thinks that detail-oriented Kelly left that task unspoken in order to force someone else's hand, decides he'll do it. And then proves that Kelly would have been smart to leave it to someone else; he starts tossing pads around to every other chef before Kevin takes Kenny's place and starts barking at Angelo to stop passing the buck. In this argument, I'm rooting for salmonella to take them both out.

Nationals players Adam Dunn, Matt Capps, and John Lannan (the largest men Amanda's ever seen, apparently) will be dining alongside the judges, and also making Kelly swoon a little. I think she probably meant Dunn and Capps more than Lannan, but hey, I'm not a woman.

Lookit mah sexy.

Tom's presence has always unnerved Amanda (also not a good sign for her chances), so she does manage to bust out a funny line to the confessional: "Tom, get the hell out of here! You and your tree trunks--leave!" They do, in short order (ha!), and service begins with Kelly worrying about the thickness and saltiness of her bacon. Thick and salty--kinda sounds like Kevin this week.

Kelly: Open-faced crab cake BLT, herb aioli, sweet potato fries. The flavor of the crab stands out nicely, but Padma and Tom do indeed find it to be a bit too salty. Good for spurring on beer sales, though.

Tiffany: Italian meatball sub, fennel, basil pesto, fresh mozzarella. Along with Kelly's BLT, these two are flying off the menu at a vastly disproportional rate. The judges, Rick in particular, like it a lot; Eric struggles to handle it.

Amanda: Yellowfin tuna tartare, fennel, Meyer lemon, fava bean purée. This stuff looks hideous, and looked hideous well before service. It's oxidized and gray, and Rick notes how ballsy it is to serve tartare at a ballpark. Eric's horror is understated, but he lets it be known that he's not comfortable with how shitty this dish is.

Angelo: Sweet glazed pork on "lobster roll" with sweet sesame pickles and Asian pear relish. Take note of how many times that description uses the word "sweet," and tuck it away for later. There's too much bread, and it's sucking out what little finish there is on the moderate heat.

Kevin: Chicken kabob, romesco sauce, shoestring fries, smoked paprika aioli. This one isn't getting many orders, if you can believe that people are bored by the idea of chicken on a stick. Eric doesn't like the fries atop the skewer, as they're sogging out. The skewer itself is too awkward.

Ed: Shrimp and corn fritters, jalapeño aioli. Rick loves these, a lot I'd say, and Tom points out how sweet the corn is. No word on where the extra 100 went. Maybe he skipped 'em, since he offered to work on Angelo's plating while Angelo took orders.

The players all sampled everything at their own table, preferring Tiffany's meatball sub. My wife, horribly, wants one of them to get diarrhea so she can sing the "sliding into first" song. See, we're made for each other--both rooting for gastrointestinal maladies! And since there's no better time to point it out, can I also highlight the mid-break vignette? Wherein we learn that Angelo and his "girlfriend" have "only seen each other a couple times"? Uh huh.

Anyway, Padma calls all six chefs out for Judges' Table. Good. They all need the feedback at this point in the competition, and it'll be fun to put 'em all in front of Tom and Eric's criticisms, yes? Angelo, Kevin, and Tiffany all sort of play verbal bumper cars with the narration of the decision-making process, and Tom looks like he'd prefer to have gone to the bathroom during this inning. Ed's dish was "terrific," says Rick; "very tidy," says Tom. Not so for Tiffany's sloppy meatball sub, but Tom's okay with it and Tiffany (love her) apologizes for nothing, saying that a good burger better leave something running down somewhere. They were the top two dishes, and the winner goes to Ed. He pulls his own double-play (PUNS) after Tiffany did so twice in recent weeks--he also gets a trip to Australia and the Hilton Sydney. Well then.

As for the other four… Amanda's choice to pre-tartare her tartare was a poor one, and the riskiness of serving raw fish at a ballpark should have been paired with the risk of preparing it closer to service for freshness' sake. (I also have a strong dislike of "tartare" as a verb; don't know why.) Eric acknowledges that he was offended by it. Kevin started out with a good idea, but tried too hard to get everything into each bite. Plus, the double-hitter (PUNS) of sauces was too much. Kelly respected her crab, but the BLT-ness was a false promise. And wouldn't you know, Angelo's hot dog buns were unwieldy and too absorbent. And remember that thing about sweetness? Yeah--too much.

Tom tells the chefs that they all made some errors, which is true and I refuse to accept it as a pun. This week, Amanda's luck has run out; "the only sous chef [to] make it this far" is going no further. Ply your charms elsewhere, Mata Hari!

Next: NASA and walking pop culture parody Buzz Aldrin, and it's the last challenge before the finals--in Singapore?

Remember when I told you I'd have my recap, titled "Which network is this, again?", ready to go on Thursday? Well, I hope you enjoyed it, because that was the extent of it! Things got real busy, and I decided that I hated that title. So here's the recap of a thoroughly depressing but ultimately satisfying episode of Top Chef.

Kenny's departure has left the Top Chef house reeling, swirling around a black hole as dark and black as... a steaming hot cup of Seattle's Best Coffee! (Try some today!) Kevin is at a loss, and missing his old pal. Angelo comes not to praise Kenny, but to bury him. Still, Angelo's damning-with-faint-praise routine reveals a certain lack of focus. Whether this is legitimate or not remains to be seen.

The Quickfire Challenge kicks off with that straw-haired scamp, Wylie Dufresne. He and Padma announce that this challenge will completely lift the concept of Food Network's Chopped: everyone gets a box, containing the same ingredients. They'll have to craft a dish using everything in the box. Oh, and more boxes will arrive throughout the 40 minute challenge.

To win this $10k Quickfire, the chefs have to use fava beans, an unlabeled can of what turns out to be hominy (on-screen credit goes to Tiffany for knowing what it was), and striped bass. Squid and black garlic come in the next box, ramps and passionfruit in another, and then jicama in the final box--all delivered by some Agent-lookin' dude to various outcries of doom and gloom. This does appear to be a pretty brutal challenge, judging by the sweat and ragged breath and Angelo talking to himself. (Though, if he wins, he'll have someone else to talk to; his "girlfriend" is suspiciously in Russia, and he needs money to get her "visa" in order. Ahem.)

Angelo goes for his usual overwrought Culinary Theory approach, using a lot of foreign words and fancy techniques (pot-au-feu, tataki, fruit gel); it lands him square in the middle. Amanda's crispy skin bass is oily and not nearly as crispy as billed. Alex's plate of yet another bean purée and basically every ingredient thrown together--to no one's surprise, it demonstrates a lack of composition. The top two are Kevin's pan seared bass, hominy purée, with jicama passionfruit and squid salad, and Tiffany's fish stew with hominy, fava beans, saffron and black garlic. The producers weren't entirely explicit about where all the ingredients fit in, but I assume they're all in there; Tiff takes yet another win, and another $10,000 check.

I refer now to my notes as the Elimination Challenge started: "blah blah cornball jargon, CIA." The chefs must create a new identity for a classic dish. By knifeblock, the following assignments are handed out: Amanda (French onion soup), Ed (chicken cordon bleu), Angelo (beef Wellington), Kevin (Cobb salad), Alex (veal parmigiana), Kelly (kung pao shrimp), and Tiffany (gyro).

The winner will get a trip to Paris, but the more exciting thing is that AMANDA IS ABSOLUTELY LIVING UP TO THE MATA HARI NICKNAME. You remember that, right? I told you then to look up German double agent Mata Hari. If you didn't, this is from Wikipedia:

Her relationships and liaisons with powerful men frequently took her across international borders. Prior to World War I, she was generally viewed as an artist and a free-spirited bohemian, but as war approached, she began to be seen by some as a wanton and promiscuous woman, and perhaps a dangerous seductress.

Yup. It's Restaurant Wars week. Perhaps the single greatest indicator of fundamental weakness in the entire repertoire of Top Chef challenges. Something told me before this episode that we'd be seeing a lot of fundamental weaknesses on display with this crop of chefs.

But before Restaurant Wars can start, the chefs have to be divided into two teams. A knifeblock draw gives Kevin and Ed the right to pick teams, and Kevin's first choice is, of course, his buddy Kenny. Ed, unsurprisingly, chooses his paramour Tiffany; this irks Angelo, which means I heartily approve. Kevin rounds it out with Kelly and Amanda, while Ed picks up Angelo in (yes) the fourth slot, and then is stuck with Alex in the last pick. D'oh!

It's the blindfolded relay race, and right off the bat, Team Blue (Kevin's team) is a smooth-running machine. Everyone's picking up on the leads Kenny left for them; Amanda blanches the pasta he set out, Kevin works on the mustard cream sauce, and Kelly sears the prawns at the last moment. Team Red, on the other hand, is a total mess. Tiffany starts, leaving the head on her snapper so the next person can easily ID it. But then Alex comes in and salts it way before he needs to, and Tiffany's pissed that he'd leave them open to screw-ups. Ed doesn't do much with the fish, instead tinkering with the broth. Angelo comes in as the anchor, and of course seasons the fish before cooking it. He realizes it was seasoned already, but too late; his addition of dill and cilantro seem unlikely to dull the saltiness as he hopes they will.

Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the US House of Representatives (and, as Kenny astutely points out, second in line to the presidency), will be doing the tasting for this fairly simple Quickfire meal. She praises the flavors of both sides (as a politician would be expected to do), but notes the saltiness of Team Red's fish. Team Blue gets the win--no immunity, obviously, but they get to split $10,000. Team Red is salty.

Redwood at Bethesda Row in Virginia will play host to this season's Restaurant Wars challenge. Amanda looks like she's gonna barf, despite starting the episode feeling upbeat and even confident. The cause of the barfies? Guest judge Frank Bruni, former food critic of the New York Times. I'd love to have my name cause that much eyeball-bugging and nervous inhalations. Bill and John Terlato come in with a giant bottle of wine; they'll be dining as well, and will contribute both the wines the prize for the winning chef.

So in those TOYOTA VENZAS, Ed and Angelo decide that Alex will be front-of-house because they do NOT want him in the kitchen. I say, putting dude on an island is the worst possible idea because there's no one out there to keep him from fucking up, or just pulling the pan out of his hand to cook something the right way. Angelo naturally takes executive chef responsibilities, and puts my theory into practice by taking away a piece of lamb that Alex is, well, butchering. Team Blue puts Kelly at FOH, with Kenny acting as executive chef.

Activity in the kitchen is a tale of two teams, as Team Blue (restaurant name: "twenty one 21," the number of the Top Chef house) is calm-ish and mostly collected. Kenny's watching in joy-tinged surprise as Angelo gets more and more stressed out. Over on Team Red (who actually had the bright idea of naming their restaurant "EVOO," without irony), Alex is rubbing Angelo the wrong way. He's also rubbing Tiffany's bass the wrong way; she has to descale and debone it after Alex had allegedly prepped it. Alex sees that people don't trust him, but he's confident that it's without reason.

No, Alex, there's reason. See, for example, the smarmy, pretentious, insulting way you're treating the service staff. He shows them how to clean a table and chairs, he speaks condescending Spanish to them apropos of nothing (which I can only interpret as a simmering racism, but that might just be my existing bias against Alex), he even complains about the wine key one of them uses. Team Blue, on the other hand, does a tasting for the server crew so they know the most they can about the dishes. Night and day, kids. Night and day.

Service starts, and as Alex schmoozes with a table whose three orders were screwed up by the wait staff, the judges arrive and are seated by another server. (Sounds like mutiny to me! Good on ya, servers.) Frank Bruni is a black hole for Alex's obnoxious self-assurance; he stumbles over the "welcome to the restaurant" spiel.

Team Red: EVOO (ugh)

1st course: Soup of tomato confit, squash, olive crouton (Angelo). Crudo of black bass and yellowtail snapper, Meyer lemon-caper relish (Tiffany). Angelo's dish definitely takes this course, prompting Bruni to wish for more of Angelo's cuisine. Tiffany's crudo is "amazing salty."

2nd course (served so late that Tom's on his phone calling the kitchen): Striped bass, stewed spinach, fennel salad, chorizo, littleneck clams (Tiffany). Slow-baked turbot, eggplant caviar, black olive jus (Ed). Finally, Ed's jus gets to share space with Tiffany's clams. What? Anyway, while Tiff's bass is a bit overcooked, it's a good recovery from her bad first course crudo. Ed's turbot, however, tastes as Mediterranean as (ugh) EVOO's menu is supposed to be, well-sauced and well-seasoned.

3rd course: Braised--no, broiled pork chop--I mean, pan-seared lamb chop, English pea purée, smoked bacon, parmesan foam (Alex, and that's exactly how he introduced it...moron). Seared ribeye, crushed walnut potatoes, balsamic fig reduction (Ed and Angelo). Alex's lamb is cooked beautifully (more on that later), but there's no texture to the dish. Ed and Angelo's walnut potatoes are the surprising winner of this dish, according to Tom, but there's no Mediterraneanness other than the figs.

The service was hit-and-miss (I'd say that's charitable), Frank's water glass has been empty most of the meal, Alex's food was generally poor and Frank notes that he was (surprise surprise) left on a vulnerable island by the rest of his team.

While Amanda struggles with a wood fire and grassfed beef (two things with which she is apparently-- and shamefully--inexperienced), Kelly's working out the rookie nerves at front-of-house. She is, however, there to greet the judges. She describes the menu as "progressive American cuisine"--certainly a mouthful, but the only way they could think of to describe seasonal foods and preparations.

Team Blue: twenty one 21

1st course: Chilled sweet corn soup with Maryland blue crab salad (Kelly). Salad of beet confit, warm chorizo-citrus vinaigrette, pickled kumquats, almonds (Kenny). Kelly's soup is thin and flavorless. While the crabs are seasonal, the corn is not; "three months later, great dish," cuts Tom. Kenny's salad has too much going on, Tom cites Coco Chanel's rule of taking one thing off (with an assist from fashion-literate Bruni). Gail would prefer at least two things taken off--me too! HEYOH.

2nd course: Oakwood-grilled strip steak, Swiss chard, roasted sunchokes, maitake mushrooms (Amanda). Pan-roasted halibut, slow-cooked white beans, fennel marmalade, tomato fennel emulsion (Kevin). Amanda's steak is (shock!) overcooked and dry. It's also sliced too thinly, which makes it easy to see how unfulfilling the dish will be just by looking at it. The sauce, at least, is good. On the other side, Kevin's fish looks gorgeous on TV, so I can understand how wowed all the judges are as it arrives. There's a lot of flavor, and the sauce is terrific.

3rd course: Crispy aged goat cheese, arugula, strawberry-rhubarb relish (Kenny). Dark chocolate ganache tart, blackberry-chocolate chunk ice cream (Kelly). After getting over just how much cheese is on the ponderous cheese course plate, Frank Bruni minces no words: "this is terrible." It's soapy, salty, and just plain bad. Kelly's ganache (Richard's banana scallops, anyone?) is silky and chocolatey, if massive. The ice cream is flavorless and adds nothing.

Summing up the meal, Frank thankfully comments on just how terrible the name "EVOO" is, and also comments on the mistake of pegging yourself to a theme and then not living up to it at all. And worst of all, the goat cheese plate. Things aren't looking good for Kenny, bewildered to start the episode and about to get hammered harder.

Padma calls out Team EVOO first. Going by the established pattern, this is a pretty unlikely turn of events; suspicions are confirmed when Padma tells the red aprons that they were the winning restaurant tonight. Alex is called out as too nervous at FOH, which he attributes wholly to their table. Angelo's soup was pretty and flavorful. The crispy skin on Tiffany's bass was lovely, if insufficient to save the dish. Ed's turbot was plain and simple a great piece of fish.

Who came up with the lamb?, the judges ask. Angelo gives credit to Alex for conceptualizing the dish, but explains that he and Ed cooked it. Remember, the judges liked the preparation, but disliked the idea of the dish insofar as it lacked a textural element. The win is no surprise; Ed takes it, as well as a vacation to the Terlato vineyards in Napa. Suck it, Alex. Take your second try at pea purée and suck it (even if Tom Colicchio has since posted to Twitter that three contestants have confirmed that he did make his purée the first time around).

When Team twenty one 21 arrives at Judges' Table, Kenny explains that he's shocked; Team EVOO's mess of a kitchen shouldn't have been rewarded. Gail correctly notes that diners don't see the kitchen when they're at a restaurant, and usually don't care. Kelly's charisma was clumsy but appreciated at FOH, though her preference for thin soup displeased the judges. Kenny needed desperately to reel in his beet salad, which Bruni describes as "done through the guise of Hamburger Helper." Everyone smiled when Kevin's dish arrived, and it earned the good vibes. Amanda is told, once again, that good jus can't save bad beef. She actually looks shocked, but it just might be more of the soul-sucking power of a Bruni critique set to "Scathe."

The cheese course part of "dessert" was a nice idea, but the goat cheese is described by Bruni like so: "Ew." Kenny responds by harping completely on the other team's faults. Kenny, this is really distasteful. Focus on your own flaws for, like, a second. But no, this team is convinced that Alex had nothing to do with his dish, or with his team's success. Tom confirms: do you all think that Alex needs to go home? Yes, they respond, almost in unison. It's an interesting defense, but classless.

You wouldn't expect the stew room to be placid at this point, would you? Good, because it wasn't. As the doomy music comes in, Kevin takes it to Alex, saying that his team threw him under the bus by eliminating him from any responsibility in the kitchen (true), and that his ass should be going home (true). Kevin sits, Kenny stands. Each person was required to conceive a dish, he posits; everyone should have had a hand in the preparation of their dish (true). Did Alex? Angelo steps in, telling Alex that he has no reason to defend himself. This, too, is true. He's already escaped this challenge, and getting along with the other contestants isn't a required skill. But being a dick to everyone and taking the path of laziest responsibility isn't going to get you the win in a few weeks.

Team Blue goes back out. Kelly takes the knock for her soup again; Amanda only did one dish and she did it poorly; Kevin didn't have a lot to do, but did it extremely well; and Kenny served up two poor dishes, but carried off the job of executive chef reasonably successfully. Doesn't this sound like Amanda's totally done-for? It sure does to me. That's why it's so surprising that Kenny gets the axe. His goat cheese, to be fair, sounded like it might have been really bad, but no one appeared to have spit it out. Other dishes have inspired that reaction. Kenny, as talented as he appeared to be early in the season, seems to have fallen prey to a sense of invulnerability. See ya later, "Preppin' Weapon."

Next week: the CIA. I'd tell you more, but y'know...

Okay, this definitely isn't Thursday anymore--sorry about that. One of my best friends, and the best man at my wedding, is getting married later today (Saturday). The last couple days have been busy, and this afternoon has been my only time to slow down.

This is my first shot at discussing the pea purée incident of 2010. My first thought is that Ed needs to perfect a Christopher Walken imitation. Just hear it in your head: "Where...inthehell...is my pea purée?" He's not angry, just confused. So am I. If this was Project Runway Tim Gunn would have cornered Alex on the fucking rooftop and wrung the truth out of him. But if the TC producers aren't going to do anything about it, I guess we'll have to let it pass for now.

In a Quickfire Challenge lead-up crammed full of classically awful ADR, Padma and Top Chef Masters winner Marcus Samuelsson introduce the chefs to Ethiopian cuisine. For non-District residents, the whole "nothing says DC like Ethiopian cuisine" might seem a little odd. But according to Urbanspoon, there are more Ethiopian/Eritrean restaurants in the DC coverage area than either Spanish or American Southwestern restaurants.

Marcus looks a bit worn-out. But he describes berbere, injera, and wat for the chefs, who are given ample quantities of the first two for their use. They'll have to make one dish inspired by Ethiopian cuisine to earn elimination immunity.

Most of the chefs have no clue about Ethiopian cuisine; Kenny, Kevin, and most of all Angelo have some experience. Amanda goes for the "other people eat this" tactic and chooses goat--she does, at least, speak honestly about not knowing the spirit behind Ethiopian food. Alex picks two types of tongue (and despite the producer blindness to any evidence regarding the purée, they certainly give everyone else a shot at bagging on Alex in confessional). For his comfort with Angelo, he describes it as a "spice-induced cuisine." Angelo, I do not think that word means what you think it means.

Everybody does all right. Alex's tongue and cabbage stew feels a little more Eastern European, and there's no heat from the spice. I was worried that I'd be saying the same thing about Tiffany's self-described goulash, but Marcus points out that goulash is conceptually very similar to Ethiopian food, so it's a natural riff on wat--good call, Tiff! Angelo's sophisticated doro wat inspires Marcus to ask, "You sure you're not born in Ethiopia?" Alex and Kelly's response is about the same as mine.



The bottoms are Kevin's braised chicken ("too shy"), Stephen's stew with lamb meatballs (interesting, but dry), and Alex's tongue stew (like Stephen's, bold but too dry). Marcus likes Amanda's stewed goat wat (good balance, combinations, Angelo's doro wat, and Tiffany's goulash. Seems like an obvious choice--how do you not pick the one who could have been born in Ethiopia?--but Marcus pulls a fast one and chooses Tiffany for the win. Angelo couldn't look more pissed.

For the Eliination Challenge, the chefs are given the ol' knifeblock to determine draft order. The draft? Countries off a world map on a big chalkboard. Immediately, a number of chefs start kvetching about Brazil, with Stephen announcing boorishly that he wasn't even aware that they had a cuisine outside of churrascaria steakhouses. But spirits are high at Irony or Mayo HQ, because Tiffany takes her Quickfire mojo and turns it into drawing Knife #1. Tiffany (Mexico), Kelly (Italy), Amanda (France), Kenny (Thailand), Alex (Spain), Angelo (Japan), Kevin (India), Ed (China), and Stephen (Brazil) get shopping.

The extent of Kevin's expertise on Indian food? "India's in Asia, right?" Ed, on the other hand, is a total player. When not sleeping with Angelo's girlfriend, he's also had some Chinese girlfriends in the past, so he's comfortable eating Chinese. ...What? Amanda got the cuisine she was hoping for, and Alex is just spazzing around the kitchen tripping on things and annoying his fellow competitors. Tom's visit to the kitchen felt mostly like a panther stalking its prey; he didn't do much confrontation, and I'm left thinking that he really doesn't think much of these chefs. As Amanda announces that there's no room in her hot box (and I announce that I'm 14), the chefs pack up for the night.

After a call home for Kevin and a care package for Kelly that includes some Jack Daniels, the chefs rest up and start the next day a-preppin'. [Author's note: It is at this point that I pick up the recap on the morning after the wedding. So if the tone shifts markedly, it's because of the couch-sleep headache that's rocking my brain right now. Sorry.]

Amanda and Tiffany are chopping like mad; Tiffany because she's behind on her salsa, Amanda because her beef is too dry to be that big, and she hopes smaller cuts will mask the toughness. Good luck with that. Guest judge José Andrés (and what a guest judge he is) swoops in with the judges, and it's on.

Ed's tea-smoked duck with crispy duck and pork potstickers impresses some of the foreign dignitaries in the room, and even Marcus Samuelsson. But José Andrés feels it doesn't represent China very well. I'm with Ed: having Andrés judge my Spanish food would be extremely nervewracking. Alex doesn't show it, and offers up braised veal shank, jamon torta espanola, and tomato olive salad. Nevertheless, José isn't thrilled, nor are Gail and Marcus, who find it muted and sloppy.

[Please note that I say veal shank because that's what Alex told Tom he bought when Tom visited the kitchen; he said he wanted cheeks but couldn't get them. But at service, both the on-screen graphic and Alex himself calls them cheeks, which in my opinion would carry more culinary cachet. There's something going on with Alex and the production of this show, and I'm loathe to speculate. But I don't like it.]

Goofy troll Stephen whips up his Brazilian grill experience, consisting of flank steak marinated in coffee, with chimichurri, Brazil nuts, and pork black beans and rice. Padma likes the coffee, but that's about all anyone can find to compliment. Marcus doesn't see Brazil in the dish, and Tom notes that it's too simple a dish to screw up easy stuff like rice. When even the Swedish dignitary trashes your stuff as $5 food cart fare, you know you're in trouble.

Kelly goes cold with a lightly seared beef carpaccio (with local Virginia beef), spring vegetable salad, and parmigiano reggiano. She tells the judges that she wanted to do gnudi, but revised her plan when she learned there'd be no kitchen on-site. This, of course, impresses the judges. Everyone seems to be in favor of the food. Same for Kevin's first shot at cooking Indian food. He stews his chicken with the essence of curry flavor, and serves it with leek and parsnip purée, cucumber mango salad, and fried lentils. The aromas please the very multisensory José, while Padma likes the lentils and the salad in particular.

For wanting France so badly, Amanda doesn't do too well by it; her beef bourguignon (with pommes fourchette horseradish mousse) and is dry and the beef is just too minimized. José would have liked the sauce all on its own, but the whole dish is a disappointment. Angelo paints a pretty picture of Japan with his tuna sashimi (marinated in chili oil), candied wasabi, and soy infusion, but Tom sees the fish losing its prominence. Austrian Guy seems to like it.

Tiffany's got the mo' this week, and she's thrilled to be serving chicken tamales with queso fresco and tomatillo sauce. Tom appreciates being able to taste the husk they were cooked in, and José notes that the entire dish shouts "Mexico" from first glance onward. Kenny's Thai dish--a cold salad of tamarind-braised pork spareribs with rice noodle and Thai green curry--is a good balance of hot and sweet, with just enough coconutty creaminess for Gail.

At Judges' Table, Kelly, Kevin and Tiffany are called out first. They're the top three, and once again Kenny misses the cut. This isn't good for a guy who looked like a titan in the first week or two. But Tiffany's thrilled, having tried to cook like she didn't have immunity. Kevin gets credit for riffing on Indian flavors rather than struggling to be to-the-letter authentic. Kelly's nod to local beef gets props from Tom, and José thinks she honored the Italian cuisine she represented. But in the end, the win goes to the dish that left no one wanting: Tiffany's chicken tamales.

Tiff gets the win with immunity, a not-entirely-common feat. She earns perhaps the greatest prize in non-finale Top Chef history: $10,000 (which will pay for her TV-delayed wedding), plus a matching $10,000 donation to José Andres' favorite charity, DC Central Kitchen. José announces, in his trademark staccato, "A ten. Thousand. Dollar. Tamal?" Pretty awesome, indeed.

The stinkers this week are Alex, Stephen and Ed. Stephen's rice was a fine idea, but ended up mealy; his steak wasn't nearly juicy enough. And Gail points out that chimichurri is Argentinian, not Brazilian; I'll be honest, that was news to me. But that's why I'm not a TV food judge (yet). As for Alex's Spanish fare, José gives it the kiss of death; he calls it a "little nightmare." The torta was all wrong, and the dish reminded José of anything but Spain. (And again, his veal shank is called cheeks once again. I'm at a loss.) Ed's main flaw was overpromising and underdelivering; his duck skin was fatty and the flavors weren't up to the "sweet and sour" name of the dish.

All three exhibited a failure of technique, but there was really no way Ed was leaving for his error. Alex at least attempted a high-ish degree of difficulty, while Stephen's steak and rice was both unimaginative and poorly made. Stephen gets the boot, and none too soon. I never saw much of an inventive streak outside of his pie from a couple weeks ago. Time to start winnowing out the pretenders; can Alex be next, Top Chef producers? Or is he the mole?

Next: Perhaps the most disastrous Restaurant Wars ever?